Now Playing Tracks

strongerrunner:

Guys I just did this workout and I totally wish I would have taken a video of myself.  I was doing this home alone laughing hysterically at myself but totally felt every single move.  Okay especially the ending with the arm part.. boy are my arms weak haha! I am laying on the ground as I am writing this. I’m pathetic haha PX90 baby.. maybe I should stick to running haha!

My emptiness is like a bug slowly eating away at the inside of me. I can only distract myself for so long before I realize how much of me has been chewed at and is just sitting there dead as can be. In this stage of empty nothing feels good, not eating, not talking, not writing, not singing, not dancing, not smiling. Nothing helps and I feel absolutely miserable and absolutely hopeless. But I just keep swimming through my days wondering when this will end, if it ever will end and honestly if I can be done yet here on this earth because I desperately want this suffering to be over with. I want to eat normally and feel like a normal human.
Zoom

My emptiness is like a bug slowly eating away at the inside of me. I can only distract myself for so long before I realize how much of me has been chewed at and is just sitting there dead as can be. In this stage of empty nothing feels good, not eating, not talking, not writing, not singing, not dancing, not smiling. Nothing helps and I feel absolutely miserable and absolutely hopeless. But I just keep swimming through my days wondering when this will end, if it ever will end and honestly if I can be done yet here on this earth because I desperately want this suffering to be over with. I want to eat normally and feel like a normal human.

It’s been a whole year almost since Florida. But that’s not what I wanted to post about. See that little beauty in the picture? She has definitely done so much growing since a year ago. Yesterday I took her with Maren and I to play and sing songs for Toddler Tuesday and I realized just how much growing she’s done. She got into the car and Maren nonpleasantly totally ignored Zoe for half the ride there with her head down and the grumpiest meanest little face. Zoe being the cheerful, caring little person she is jumps in the car and climbs into her car seat, “Hi Maren!” Maren whispers “NO!” And puts her head down. Zoe from then on the whole ride there wanted to ask Maren a thousand questions in the sweetest caring little voice “What’s wrong, Maren? Are you sad? Why are you sad? Talk to me. I want to know why you’re sad.” It is then when I realized what a caring person Zoe has grown into. Maren was being so rude and mean to Zoe but she didn’t retaliate the rude behavior, she instead, was genuinely caring towards why Maren was acting the way she was. Finally as we were pulling up to the building Maren cheered up as she pointed to the building saying “Princess Cow!” and I made her say hi to Zoe and Zoe grabbed Maren’s hand and said, “YOU’RE HAPPY!” Oh I love Zoe, who not only is caring towards others but displayed to me yesterday something that most grown people should take more note of.. A friend is someone who mourns with you AND rejoices in gladness with you. I adore her.
Zoom

It’s been a whole year almost since Florida. But that’s not what I wanted to post about. See that little beauty in the picture? She has definitely done so much growing since a year ago. Yesterday I took her with Maren and I to play and sing songs for Toddler Tuesday and I realized just how much growing she’s done. She got into the car and Maren nonpleasantly totally ignored Zoe for half the ride there with her head down and the grumpiest meanest little face. Zoe being the cheerful, caring little person she is jumps in the car and climbs into her car seat, “Hi Maren!” Maren whispers “NO!” And puts her head down. Zoe from then on the whole ride there wanted to ask Maren a thousand questions in the sweetest caring little voice “What’s wrong, Maren? Are you sad? Why are you sad? Talk to me. I want to know why you’re sad.” It is then when I realized what a caring person Zoe has grown into. Maren was being so rude and mean to Zoe but she didn’t retaliate the rude behavior, she instead, was genuinely caring towards why Maren was acting the way she was. Finally as we were pulling up to the building Maren cheered up as she pointed to the building saying “Princess Cow!” and I made her say hi to Zoe and Zoe grabbed Maren’s hand and said, “YOU’RE HAPPY!” Oh I love Zoe, who not only is caring towards others but displayed to me yesterday something that most grown people should take more note of.. A friend is someone who mourns with you AND rejoices in gladness with you. I adore her.

The House That Built Me I’ve been listening to the song The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert practically on repeat since I downloaded it (and Demi’s new song Heart Attack!), and it got me thinking about the house I grew up in and the simplicity of the small things that brought me joy as a child.  That house in the picture. The one with the blue door. That’s the one that built me. The people inside of the house, the neighbors and the kids I played with in the neighborhood. I sometimes drive through my old neighborhood just remembering all the little places my friends and I used to play. That place in the yard right next to the concrete where my best friend of 17 years and I tried to dig up to see if we would find the body of my dead bird, the T clothing lines in the back yard where we would flip on the T poles where I eventually ended up breaking my right arm, in the alley that we would ride our bikes up the driveway to the brown house as fast as we could so that when we turned our handlebars to go back down our bikes would go super fast down the tiny hill, the place in between the driveway to the brown house and the house to the right of it where we often rode our bikes through. In the summer, my friends and I would gather all the change we could find and walk up the street to the market “Jerry’s Market”, and we would buy 1 cent candy and the water with the little colored dots in it and my best friend and her mom would walk to our house and my mom and I would walk with them up to country style and whitey’s to get ice cream, we would walk ahead of our moms playing the “don’t step on the crack” game or race to the corner and we would stop at the park next to country style and play. We would walk the neighborhood and we knew who lived in every house and we would tell stories about the house on the next street over where the boy killed himself and the house where the little girl died inside spooking each other about how they might get us if we walked by the house, so we would cross the street and walk past the houses from the other side of the street then cross back over to get to our street to try and avoid walking directly in front of the “haunted” ones. Walking through that same neighborhood now makes me think, was it always this run down looking? Our house with the blue door now has an obnoxious orange door. Our neighbor had a little girl that was the same age as me and I was lucky enough to have been a tiny skinny little thing and I would get all of her hand me downs, which were all wonderfully taken care of and even some that still had tags because she certainly was not a girly girl and would never be caught wearing a dress or the color pink unless someone made her wear it. It was like Christmas everytime I got a bag of clothing, which was practically at the beginning of every single season! The house I grew up in from what I can remember was happy in my eyes, even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have known. I would wake up to my granny either in the kitchen drinking coffee or I would wake up with her laying by my side and I would lay my head on her belly and she would stroke my hair and at night, I would lay my head right where her heart was and listen to it beat until I fell asleep. At night my granny would pull back the covers for me, the things I really enjoyed were when she would do my hair, paint my nails, dancing in the living room, our house was always full of music and dancing or just watching her cook in the kitchen. When I got bored I would go bug my uncle if he was home and we would play Sonic the Hedgehog, or I would watch him while he watched basketball, I remember playing dress up with his button up shirts one time, I paraded around the house like I was wearing a ball gown and he put one of his hats on my head. My mom and I lived there until I was done with 3rd grade before moving out of my granny’s house. Just those simple things, I was very happy with. We didn’t have much money, but that didn’t matter at all because the simple things were priceless and no amount of money could buy the happiness that simplicity bought me as a child. As an adult it isn’t as easy finding those simple things because as we grow we become more needing of money, we have bills to pay, and we lose our wonder because there comes a point when we think we know everything already and we realize that we aren’t exactly great at everything as we once thought we could do anything and succeed. Finding simplicity is such a task as an adult because our lives are crowded with busy things. I’ll end with saying this. The spring is coming and I’m SO happy because I find happiness in the simplicity of sitting directly in the sunlight and closing my eyes to really feel the warmth. Although in the winter months I enjoy watching my favorite movies on snow days, I can’t wait to be outside with the sun shining down on me listening to the blissful sound of nature. There is one window in our house that the sun hardly ever peeks through and on Saturday for the first time in a long time, even though our shades were closed the sun was BEAMING through one crack and it beamed through right to where I was sitting, so I closed my eyes and felt it’s warmth. I remember doing the same thing as a child. I  would sit on those front steps, just like I am in the picture, close my little eyes and feel the sun’s warmth on my skin. 
Zoom

The House That Built Me


I’ve been listening to the song The House That Built Me by Miranda Lambert practically on repeat since I downloaded it (and Demi’s new song Heart Attack!), and it got me thinking about the house I grew up in and the simplicity of the small things that brought me joy as a child. 

That house in the picture. The one with the blue door. That’s the one that built me. The people inside of the house, the neighbors and the kids I played with in the neighborhood. I sometimes drive through my old neighborhood just remembering all the little places my friends and I used to play. That place in the yard right next to the concrete where my best friend of 17 years and I tried to dig up to see if we would find the body of my dead bird, the T clothing lines in the back yard where we would flip on the T poles where I eventually ended up breaking my right arm, in the alley that we would ride our bikes up the driveway to the brown house as fast as we could so that when we turned our handlebars to go back down our bikes would go super fast down the tiny hill, the place in between the driveway to the brown house and the house to the right of it where we often rode our bikes through. In the summer, my friends and I would gather all the change we could find and walk up the street to the market “Jerry’s Market”, and we would buy 1 cent candy and the water with the little colored dots in it and my best friend and her mom would walk to our house and my mom and I would walk with them up to country style and whitey’s to get ice cream, we would walk ahead of our moms playing the “don’t step on the crack” game or race to the corner and we would stop at the park next to country style and play. We would walk the neighborhood and we knew who lived in every house and we would tell stories about the house on the next street over where the boy killed himself and the house where the little girl died inside spooking each other about how they might get us if we walked by the house, so we would cross the street and walk past the houses from the other side of the street then cross back over to get to our street to try and avoid walking directly in front of the “haunted” ones. Walking through that same neighborhood now makes me think, was it always this run down looking? Our house with the blue door now has an obnoxious orange door. Our neighbor had a little girl that was the same age as me and I was lucky enough to have been a tiny skinny little thing and I would get all of her hand me downs, which were all wonderfully taken care of and even some that still had tags because she certainly was not a girly girl and would never be caught wearing a dress or the color pink unless someone made her wear it. It was like Christmas everytime I got a bag of clothing, which was practically at the beginning of every single season!

The house I grew up in from what I can remember was happy in my eyes, even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t have known. I would wake up to my granny either in the kitchen drinking coffee or I would wake up with her laying by my side and I would lay my head on her belly and she would stroke my hair and at night, I would lay my head right where her heart was and listen to it beat until I fell asleep. At night my granny would pull back the covers for me, the things I really enjoyed were when she would do my hair, paint my nails, dancing in the living room, our house was always full of music and dancing or just watching her cook in the kitchen. When I got bored I would go bug my uncle if he was home and we would play Sonic the Hedgehog, or I would watch him while he watched basketball, I remember playing dress up with his button up shirts one time, I paraded around the house like I was wearing a ball gown and he put one of his hats on my head. My mom and I lived there until I was done with 3rd grade before moving out of my granny’s house. Just those simple things, I was very happy with. We didn’t have much money, but that didn’t matter at all because the simple things were priceless and no amount of money could buy the happiness that simplicity bought me as a child. As an adult it isn’t as easy finding those simple things because as we grow we become more needing of money, we have bills to pay, and we lose our wonder because there comes a point when we think we know everything already and we realize that we aren’t exactly great at everything as we once thought we could do anything and succeed. Finding simplicity is such a task as an adult because our lives are crowded with busy things. I’ll end with saying this. The spring is coming and I’m SO happy because I find happiness in the simplicity of sitting directly in the sunlight and closing my eyes to really feel the warmth. Although in the winter months I enjoy watching my favorite movies on snow days, I can’t wait to be outside with the sun shining down on me listening to the blissful sound of nature. There is one window in our house that the sun hardly ever peeks through and on Saturday for the first time in a long time, even though our shades were closed the sun was BEAMING through one crack and it beamed through right to where I was sitting, so I closed my eyes and felt it’s warmth. I remember doing the same thing as a child. I  would sit on those front steps, just like I am in the picture, close my little eyes and feel the sun’s warmth on my skin. 

To Tumblr, Love Pixel Union