God is dealing with my heart graciously, tenderly, gently and carefully. That alone is more than I could ask for because He deals with each persons heart differently and that is always how He has chosen to deal with mine. He is a God of perfect judgement and I am glad that He alone knows me and knows exactly how I need to be handled.
I am often forced into thinking deeply about things like school, work income, living on my own and often compared to others my age when it comes to these discussions which leaves me feeling quite inadequate, especially when it comes to the comparisons. Its seems like the people who judge me based on these things each have their own plans for how my life should go and what I should do with it and they each have expectations for me that seems impossible to live up to because no matter what I do, it’s not good enough and when they tell people about me they never say anything good and people are left with a one-sided view of me. When I am feeling least worried, one of them is worrying for me (or really they are rather worried about benefits they get from me) and seem to be put in my path to tempt my worrisome ways. Last night was one of those throw your hands up, done with the situation nights. I worried for a while then I had enough of my worry for the day and handed my worries off to the only one who gives hope in my hopeless situations. It was not long after that a worrier was put in my path asking me about a situation and I (being done with the situation and all) sincerely told this person to not worry about it and that everything would be taken care of. Not trusting what I had just said, this persons worry caused anger towards me for telling them to stop worrying and they began to physically show that they were angry (as if slamming things was going to fix them issue). It of course hurt me, as it always does, and I took a deep breath in attempt to regain my mental composure. Then I prayed, “Father, please readjust me”. I then opened my bible to read Luke 12:7, “And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” and the notes beside it read this:”Our true value is God’s estimate of our worth, not our peers’. Other people evaluate and categorize us according to how we perform, what we achieve, and how we look. But God cares for us, as he does for all of his creatures, because we belong to him.” and shortly after I read the notes a clear voice spoke to me and said “You are my daughter in whom I am well pleased” (Matthew 3:17). I am so thankful that even though I did nothing to deserve it, God is pleased with me. Thankful that even though at this very moment I have no job, chosen to not persue college and still live at home due to financial situations, that my heavenly Father loves me the same and counts all of those things of no value compared to my choosing of eternal life and therefore is pleased with me and that my brothers and sisters in Christ love me regardless of those things also. My worth and value is set in my Father and He passionately, gracefully loves me. This season is very hard and restless for me but I am overjoyed that my Father wants me all to himself and is reshaping me consistently.